


Why Must It Hurt? Richie Tozier

by trialandbloom



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Angst, References to Depression, Silent Breakdown, Unresolved Emotional Tension, richie breaks, richie doesn’t let himself properly feel
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-08 23:54:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 417
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27075325
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trialandbloom/pseuds/trialandbloom
Summary: authors note: i haven’t properly wrote anything in years and idk if i would call this a proper work but oh well. kind of a vent.
Kudos: 4





	Why Must It Hurt? Richie Tozier

**Author's Note:**

> authors note: i haven’t properly wrote anything in years and idk if i would call this a proper work but oh well. kind of a vent.

Releasing the nicotine from his lungs, Richie steps into the janitor’s closet. He pauses to let his eyes adjust to the darkness before reaching in his pocket to fish out his vape again. Where did everything go wrong? Why did everyone have to hate him? The losers left him for good this time, he thinks. Why would they take him back anyway? He’s the worst.

  
He leans his head against the supply rack gazing up into the darkness, really trying to picture something there other than black. He feels something come into his vision. It’s blurry, and it stings. He blinks. Right. He forgot to blink. It feels like he forgets a lot of things lately. He forgets to shower, to sleep, to come to school. Almost like he forgot how to live. How pitiful. Inhaling the smoke, he holds it in until it burns, in case he forgot how to feel pain. It seems he won’t ever forget that feeling.

  
He cranes his neck to look down at his shoes, or maybe he was envisioning them in the dark. After a while, his neck starts to ache, and it’s getting harder to breathe when staring downwards. But maybe that’s okay. It’s fine. He brings the vape up to his mouth from his pocket, struggling to inhale with the angle he’s at, but he manages. He exhales hard this time, releasing the tension in his shoulders he didn’t know he tensed. His breath fogged up his glasses; he can recognize that even if it is pitch black.

  
And then it’s here. The despair that has been chasing him has finally caught up. He can feel it in his body. His heart swells achingly, his vision goes blurry, and his knees buckle under the unexpected shift. Richie tries to push the feeling aside and wallow in the numbness a little longer, but it’s beginning to hurt.

  
His throat burns from the fight to swallow his tears. It hurts. That’s all he can remember. It hurts. His head is pounding from the overwhelming heat in his face. It hurts. He brings his hands to the collar of his shirt and squeezes out a sob. His chest feels tight. It hurts. His face scrunches together, still battling the confrontation of his emotions. Man, this hurts. He can feel the wetness start to flood down his face. How pathetic. He’s choking himself, trying not to let the sobs escape. How pathetic. He fell to the ground, surrendering.

Why must it hurt?

**Author's Note:**

> a/n: ik this isn’t really canon (i haven’t written IT fanfiction, let alone fanfiction in years) but i was really in the mood to write something and Richie is a major comfort character and kinnie for me (lol). anyways i hope you enjoyed this even if it’s just a little bit, although it’s messy. i love u, take care <3.


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